Singing could possibly be the thing I find it hardest to write about. To talk about even. I can never adequately explain what it- ; how it- ; why it- ?? I can’t really even finish that sentence.
To give you a better idea, this is the 3rd time I’ve deleted and re-started this post.
I love to sing. I define who I am by my voice. Since I was 3 years old I have sung for myself and others: for joy, for comfort, for pain. Sometimes I feel like it’s the only thing that I can do for them. Perhaps it comes from singing for so many friends and relatives in hospital, or needing comfort, or at celebrations. But the thing I am asked to do – specifically me – is to sing.
That’s my gift. It’s my Why.
And my greatest fear is that I will lose my individual voice. The voice that I have become through a path that no-one else has or will. Lately I have spent so much time trying to make someone else’s sound that I’ve started to feel hopeless.
And it took today – a day where I cannot sing (medical things – yay!) – to come back to the essence of why I started this journey in the first place. To give. To be able to take that Why to more people, to help them in the way I have others.
I don’t care what other people expect of me. Where they’d like to push me to go. I have a unique voice, and it’s time I took control of where I want to take it. I’m sick of feeling scared to say what I want.
I’ve always known the roles I want: it’s time to stop fighting for everyone else’s, and carve out my own path.