I had an intense moment of fear and panic today about not feeling prepared for the year ahead. I am a perfectionist, and my biggest fear (I think) is failing. What exactly that would mean, I have no idea (it’s rather irrational). As I ranted (wrote, typed) about it to myself, I came to the realisation that some of the best things that have happened to me have been a result of what I could have called failure. Am I less scared of failing after having this realisation? No. Will it drive me to approach whatever I’ve been putting off? Maybe. But, this is the distillation of my thoughts, and I’m putting it here for you, and as a reminder for me:
I can’t FAIL this time, because I won’t ‘do nothing’. I care, and I’ll work hard, and nothing will ever be Perfect. And that’s how it should be. Because nothing is ever Perfect. Perfection is not a state, or a measure, it is infinity: it doesn’t occur in real life and it can never be reached. The only attainable perfection is accepting what IS, and being perfectly content with that. It’s a mind game; and I need to learn to play soon or it will plague me for the rest of my days.